Sunday, February 13, 2011

Crazy World News - 10 - Malawi set to illegalize flatulence

This story blew me away when I first stumbled upon it, I believed it to be a wind up, but on closer verification, it turned out to be for real.

Apparently, Malawi, a small African country that I barely new existed, is set to make farting illegal. The guy pushing for the law to be passed, a Dr Bingu wa Mutharika (see pic to right), looks himself like he would have trouble sticking with his law so I dread to think how the rest of the country will fair..

Actually this sort of law, beside being a seeming complete waste of bureaucratic time (mind you, having just written that, isn't that what bureaucracy is all about anyhow??), really smacks of middle aged Europe when such laws as "Only the king is allowed to grow a beard", or "All English males over the age 14 must have 2 or more hours of clergy supervised longbow practice weekly".. And wasn't there one, at one time, about everyone having to wear a green tie, or something somewhat similarly ridiculous..

Honestly, apart from offering new ways for police embarrassment, what can such a law seriously hope to achieve?

Malawi to ban farting

How a subject like farting can even get discussed in such detail by a government, surely beats me, will the law cover animals, or just humans? What if a dog breaks wind near you and you get pinned for the crime? All social gatherings, banquets and balls, buses, trains, malls etc, will have to be heavily guarded/patrolled, or some bright spark will have to invent something similar to that urban mythical liquid that was said to be in swimming pools if one pee’d in them, surrounding ones rear with some embarrassing pink cloudy glow.

This kind of behaviour will no
longer be tolerated in Malawi.

Naturally locals fear that pinning responsibility on the crime will be difficult - and may lead to miscarriages of justice as 'criminals' attempt to blame others for their offense. Recalling my school days, perhaps they'll apply "he who smelt it, dealt it" logic. Or take things a step further with "he who said the rhyme, did the crime".

I have no doubt that Malawi has many other far more serious issues that need addressing than punishing people for perfectly natural bodily reactions to bad foods, and the fact that time is spent on such is just more evidence of the likely corruption within their political system.


Unknown said...

Freaky story, Mango... but you're hilarious. I love your writing!

Fruitarian Mango said...

Hi Jimmy, yeah, freaky indeed.. I was thinking to title the post with "(wind) breaking news", but a moment of sensibility overcame me.

Michelle said...

I accidentally stumbled upon you when, thanks to a friend's post on sausage fruit, I googled said item and found a link to your website. From the website I ended up here on your blog. I have to agree with jimbosun above-- you are hilarious. You shouldn't have let that moment of sensibility overcome you. "(wind) breaking news" is the perfect title!

Fruitarian Mango said...

Hi Michelle,
Yeah.. I sometimes post on crazy things, sometimes on diet & health, sometimes on useful websites.. bit of a licorice allsorts. without the licorice.
glad you are entertained.